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Funny Whatsapp Status English New


  1. You’re lucky that I’m so terrified of prison.

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  3. I trust a lot of people not to kill me every day.

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  5. If you think nobody cares if you’re alive, try missing a couple of car payments.

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  7. When I’m on my death bed, I want my final words to be “I left one million dollars in the…

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  9. Whenever i have a problem, I just sing, Then i realize my voice is worse than my problem.

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  11. I’m pretty sure my dogs only sit in the window and watch me leave so they know when it is safe to sit on the couch.

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  13. If you can’t Change a Girl…..Change the Girl.

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  15. I love my job only when I’m on vacation.

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  17. My study period = 15 minutes. My break time = 3 hours!

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  19. God made everything that has life, rest everything is made in China.

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  21. Some people should just give up at engineering or medical. Like I have!

  22. Funny Status for Whatsapp in English
  23. I love food and sleep. If I give you a bit of food or text you all night, that means something.

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  25. Diets are hard because I get hungry.

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  27. God is really creative, I mean…just look at me 😛

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  29. I always learn from mistake of others who take my advice.

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  31.  Women should not have children after 20. Really… 20 children are enough.

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  33. We live in the era of smartphones and stupid peoples.

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  35. Just saw the most smartest person when I was in front of the mirror.

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  37. Please be patient even a toilet can handle only one ass hole at a time.

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  39. I think my iPhone is not working. I pressed the home button and I’m still at school.

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  41. I’m not lazy, I’m just on my energy saving mode.

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  43. Doing nothing is very hard thing to do…you never know when to finish.

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  45. You’re lucky that I’m so terrified of prison.

  46. Best Funny Status for Whatsapp in English
  47. That awkward moment when you realize that “deleting History” is more important than “creating History” nowadays.

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  49. Beautiful people are not always good, but good people are always beautiful.

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  51. Sure, your prince might come. But just in case he doesn’t, God created wine.

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  53. You’re ridiculous. Want to be best friends?

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  55. Did anyone else get the email about them canceling school next week?

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  57. Aaaaand I’m already over this day.

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  59. The best way to get a man to do something is to suggest he’s too old for it.

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  61.  When plastic bags become currency, I will be king.

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  63. Men look at a woman’s behind and think “Wow! What an ass.” Women look at a man’s face and think the very same thing.

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  65. I’m happy as long as I’m not hungry.

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  67. Never let anyone tell you you’re too young to do something. A baby shark is still a f#%king shark.

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  69. AwesoME ends with ME and Ugly starts with U.

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  71. Never go to bed angry. Stay awake and plot revenge.

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  73. I don’t care what people !!think of me. At least mosquitoes find me attractive.

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  75. My life has a great cast, !!but I can’t figure out the plot.

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  77. Common sense is a flower that doesn’t grow in everyone’s garden.

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  79. Hang on, let me overthink this.

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  81. Don’t look for someone who will!1 solve all your problems. Look for someone who won’t let you face them alone.

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  83. My favorite outdoor activity is going back inside.

  84. Funny Status for Whatsapp in English
  85. Never make eye contact while eating a banana.

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  87. 7 billion people on the planet and I can only tolerate maybe 10.

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  89.  My boyfriend asked me for anal so I colour coordinated his sock drawer. I know what men want.

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  91. Behind every crazy women is a man who made her that way.

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  93. Just because I don’t care, doesn’t mean I don’t understand.

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  95.  I will never admit !!to my parents that I don’t believe in the Easter Bunny or Santa as long as I still get presents and candy.

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  97.  Don’t grow up. It’s a trap.

  98. Smile Funny Whatsapp Status in English
  99. Don’t jump to confusions.

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  101. Be f#%king polite. Please.

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  103. I look at people sometimes and think… !!Really!!!That’s the sperm that won

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  105. Facebook is the refrigerator of the internet. I keep going back to it expecting something to appear that I’ll enjoy.

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  107.  I feel bad for the people who change their birthday for April Fools Day and then their mom wishes them Happy Birthday 🙂

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  109. I’m having trouble telling if it’s killing me or making me stronger.

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  111. Few things turn me on like good grammar.

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  113.  I like my coffee like I like my oxygen – CONSTANT.

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  115. Everything is funny as lo!ng as it is happening to somebody else.

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  117.  No one is ever “just kidding”.

  118.  

  119. Stop looking for trouble. I’m right here.

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  121. “I’m definitely going to do that tomorrow!!!Me being delusional!!

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  123. “Ladies first” was probably in!vented by a dude who enjoyed admiring women from behind.

  124. Very Funny W!hatsapp Status in English
  125. Everyone has an annoying friend. If you don’t have one, it’s probably you.

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  127. Car headlights should flash at the same time the horn is pressed to alert people with hearing difficulties.

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  129. You don’t kill time, times kills you.

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  131. I’m actually the meanest person when I’m stressed. I would literally yell shut up to anything that is making noise.

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  133. We all know that one dude who’s !existence just pisses us off.

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  135. Always borrow money from! a pessimist. He won’t expect it back.

  136.  

  137. life is short…smile while you still have teeth.

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  139. 500 recipes pinned to my Pinterest board. Eating a peanut butter & jelly sandwich.

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  141. Asking if I’m hungry is like asking if I want money. The answer is always YES.

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  143. Just because I find you attractive doesn’t mean I like you. You’re appealing to my eyes, not my heart or mind. It is not that deep.

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  145. My heart says hamburger but my jeans say salad.

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  147. People say everything happens for a reason. So when I punch you in the face, remember I have a reason.

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  149. My goal in life isn’t to become fa!mous or powerful…it’s to make enough money to eat whatever I want.

  150. Very Funny Status for W!hatsapp in English
  151. True friends are those who h!ave nice things to say about you behind your back.

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  153. We all have that one skinny friend that eats more than fat person.

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  155. I think we all need to go out into an empty field and just scream for about an hour.

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  157. There is no “i” in team…there is however an “i” in ‘win’, ‘achievement’, ‘prevail’, ‘triumph’, ‘first place’, ‘gold medalist’ and ‘champion’.

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  159.  You live with what you tolerate.

  160.  

  161. “F#%K It.” – my final thought before making most decisions.

  162.  

  163. Life is short. Buy the damn shoes.

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  165. When two people are arguin!g and one person says “You know what…” , that argument is about to get awesome!

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  167. Behind every great man !is a woman rolling her eyes.

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  169. I’m slowly becoming more unable to fit my hand into a pringles can… is this what growing up feels like?

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  171. Whatsapp users never die but they just go offline.

  172. 100+ Coolest Funny Quotes and Sayings in English
  173. The only reason your girlfriend likes your dick is because her mom told her to enjoy the little things in life.

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  175. I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather…
  176. .
  177. Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.
  178.  

  179. God is really creative, I mean… just look at me

  180.  

  181. Don’t steal. That’s the government’s job.

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  183. I have enough money to last me the rest of my life, unless I buy something.

  184.  

  185. If life gives you lemons, ju!t add vodka.

  186. Funny Quotes for W!hatsapp
  187.  Confession is good for t!he soul, but bad for your career.

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  189. Silence is Golden. Duct tape is Silver :3

  190.  

  191. I always dream of being a millionaire like my friend!

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  193. If Monday had a face, I would punch it.

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  195. My wife dresses to kill. She cooks the same way.

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  197. After getting drunk, bachelor of technology turns philosophy master of bricks.

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  199. Money doesn’t buy happiness, b!!ut it pays my internet… which is almost the same thing.

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  201. Laughing at your own texts!! before you send them because you’re so damn funny.

  202. Very Funny Quotes for Whatsapp
  203.  Any girl can be glamorous. All you have to do is stand still and look stupid…

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  205. Going to school with 10 pens and coming home with only
  206. one.
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  208. I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather…
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  210. Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.
  211.  

  212. I’m trying to die but I can’t. I need to be Cinderella.

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  214. You have the perfect face for radio.

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  216. Every problem comes with some solution… if it doesn’t have any solution, it’s a Girl!

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  218.  They pretend to pay me. I pretend to work!

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  220. Of course size matters. No one wants a small pizza.

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  222. You never know what you have until… you clean your room.

  223. Funny Quotes for Whatsapp Status
  224. First I played hard to get, now he is playing hard to forget.

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  226. Don’t be too optimistic. The light at the end of the tunnel may be another train.

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  228. High power come, with high voltage current!

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  230. The reason I’m fat coz a!! thin body could not handle my personality.

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  232. You’re just jealous because the voices are talking to me.

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  234. Always borrow money from a pessimist…
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  236. He won’t expe!!ct it back.
  237. Everything funnier when your supposed to be quiet..
  238. How can I miss something I never had?
  239. Dear Lo!!rd, there is a b!!ug in your software… it’s called #Sunday, please fix it!
  240. If relationship between man and women were shoes, I’d wear you out. But I wouldn’t wear you out in public.
  241. If a book about failures doesn’t sell, is it a success?
  242. Always remember you’re unique, just like everyone else 😀
  243. Awesome Funny Quotes in!! English for Whatsapp
  244. Everyone is entitled to be stupid, b!!ut some abuse the privilege.
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  246. Dear chairs, I know you get more ass, b!!ut I get more head. Sincerely, Pillows.

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  248. While I was driving my Audi, the alarm woke me up.

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  250.  I saw a shampoo with the!!! title: “Rich-looking” So I washed my purse ..

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  252. You’re just jealous because the voices are talking to me.

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  254. Laugh at your problems, everyb!!ody else does.

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  256. If nobody hates you, then you ar!!e doing something boring.

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